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Submitted on
August 15, 2011
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At night we go down to the sea,
And drown ourselves.
Peel away our skins to reveal the
Wet, gelatinous mess of our muscle and fat and fin.

At night we go down, down to the ocean,
At night we shed our flesh,
And wear the shards of
Moonlight, sand and spray like shivering, nascent scales.

At night we go down, inexorably to the ocean,
Fold and hide our skins
In the rockpools, in the cold
Salt-water steppe. We play at being, just for a while.

At night we go down to the sea bed,
Curl up on the patterned
Sand, the ridges of our bodies,
Entwine and lose ourselves, in doing so find each other.

At night we go down to the ocean,
And drown ourselves.
In the morning we stitch each other
Back into our malformed flesh.
Rub the sand from our eyes,
Brush the salt out of our hair
And wash it from our lips.
Remove the scent of brine from our
Minds, the feel of
Muscle, fat and fin.
And we play at being human.

Keep my face from the sea, and
Turn my face from you.
If, when we play at being human, we glimpse it, we
Shudder. Like drowning fish.
If I catch your eye, we
Shiver. Like the sea.

Still, we pretend to be human
For a while.
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
so...i'm actually working on an anthology called 'the drowning pages' atm...all about drowning, as you may have guessed...

critique: [link]
well, what do you think this is about? in terms of metaphor and shizzle like that?

does the repetition work nicely? or is it irritating?

does it transcend the visual; can you smell the salt, feel the sand?

and do you feel it's a beautiful poem, or an ugly one? if so, why so?

please feed my comment monster. it's already eaten my right leg out of boredom. seriously. send help
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Just wanted to let you know this wonderful piece has been featured!: [link]

Keep up the beautiful work!
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:iconprettythings9:
thank you! i'll be sure to have a look :D

hahah i'll try :P
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconprettythings9:
oh how wonderful! thank you!! :D
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:icondailylitdeviations:
You are very welcome!
Reply
:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Sep 28, 2011  Student Writer
I love this! I saw this in =bowie-loon123's Daily-Deviant article, and it's a beautiful piece. I love - "we/Shiver. Like the sea." and your ending, and a lot of other things. I'll write you a critique - properly - later, but this is gorgeous. :heart:
Reply
:iconprettythings9:
hahaha thank you! aw, only if you have the time :P
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Oct 10, 2011  Student Writer
Already done! - it's below my comment, see? :P :heart:
Reply
:iconprettythings9:
hahah, so it is :P
Reply
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